Updated: Sep 16, 2022
Black women I know it's hard. It's hard to thrive in a world that turns us against ourselves. It's hard to feel worthy, whole, and satisfied in a world that diminishes us. So we carry the world with one finger, act like nothing is bothering us, suppress our emotions, and neglect our roots.
What do I mean by neglecting our roots? America has conditioned Black women into believing that our hair is not beautiful, our skin is not light enough, and our history isn't significant enough. Some of us avoid getting to know our real hair by excessively wearing weave, idolizing cultures that have no connection to us, and we settle for the ordinary. This detaches us from ourselves, our ancestors, and our true light!
Not only am I advocate for the deeps (sensitive people), but I also stand for Black women honoring themselves and giving birth to their capabilities. Sadly, most of us don't come out of the womb like this so we must integrate healthy habits. I am going to explain just how to do that!
1. Drown In Your Blackness Girl!
Don't come up for air either! LOL! I didn't understand the true beauty of being a Black women until I indulged in it! No matter what culture you are it is really important to stay connected with that culture for the rest of your life. And this looks something like:
Watching YouTube videos, TV shows, and movies that you can relate to on a cultural level. I'm not saying to only watch African-American content, but it's not a good idea to just watch Asian and Caucasian women when you're a Black woman and vice versa. We all know the power of the media and how some Black women already feel like they aren't as beautiful as their White or Hispanic counterparts.
Start The Kids Off Young! If you have a Black daughter make sure her barbie dolls and books are akin to her. If you have a Black son make sure that his books have Black little boys in them and what he's watching on TV isn't promoting violence and toxic masculinity.
Decorate Your Room with nice canvas of African-American women/artist, or anything that reminds you of the motherlands! LOL!
Read books that are for Black women! I didn't notice how much books especially fiction, are steered toward the white community. I was so blinded by it that I didn't realize that even in my own writing, how many characters had blue eyes, long silky straight black hair, and pale skin.
2. Don’t Avoid Colorism and Racism But Don't Become It Either
Before ya'll jump down my throat let me explain first. You MUST be aware of the stigmas and limitations Black people face, and you should always defend yourself when you are discriminated against, but don't let racism and colorism control your everyday life. I am a dark-skinned African-American woman so I understand how cruel society can be. But walking around thinking that everybody is racist, is not going to help. In other words, the "it's because I'm black" phrase does not apply in EVERY SINGLE SITUATION.
You know what helps? Accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. When you start to love yourself you see the world differently. You will go after people who love you too. More importantly, when you start to believe that you are worthy of being loved no matter your skin color or race, your inner beauty magnifies.
Trust me I know about the riots, and police brutality but this stuff is thrown at us to make us more violent, commit more crimes, and stay at a low vibration!
3. Up Your Knowledge!
Know your history Black girl! Where did it all start? It is important to know that we were purposely divided as slaves to turn us against each other. Light-skinned people (because they resembled white people) were put inside the slave house, and the dark-skinned people were outside in the hot sun picking cotton all day. Even though we are not picking cotton anymore we are nitpicking ourselves by comparing skin tones and privileges.
I get it though. It's hard because it's everywhere! It's on TV, in the songs, and you may have experienced colorism personally. I'm not asking you to put it behind you but let it be the reason why you strive to move forward!
Build A Bond With Your Hair
Going natural isn't for everybody but it is very important to understand your hair. You can't do that wearing weave ALL OF THE TIME! I'm not saying to stop wearing weave, but if you're not as confident in your real hair as you are with weave THAT IS A PROBLEM! And that was my case.
Know what your hair likes and what it doesn't. Is your hair low or high porosity? Does it like products with a thin consistency or thick and creamy products? How often does it need to be trimmed? How often does it need to be moisturized? What products give it the most slip?
5. Embrace Your Femininity
Shout out to my girl Chrissie for this one! Chrissie is a advocate for dark-skinned women. She encourages us to be more feminine mentally, emotionally, and physically. Chrissie has helped me tremendously by dropping knowledge on true womanhood, and increasing my overall worthiness as a dark-skinned woman. Chrissie also opened me up to the detriments ( I tried so hard to avoid) that dark-skinned woman face.
For some of us Black women, especially dark skinned Black women, our femininity was stolen from us at a young age. We always had to defend ourselves so this made us believe that being aggressive gets us ahead because that's when we are heard. Little do we know, this separates us from our divine feminine power.
Truthfully, a lot of dark-skinned Black women feel like they are not beautiful or worthy of being loved because of their complexion. That's why so many of us operate more in the masculine than the feminine. We're holding onto the ignorant boy who said "all dark skinned girls are ugly." We have to take our feminine power back!
Here are some tips that you can use to tap into your femininity:
Journal: If you don't like writing you can do a video diary. It's a good idea to keep track of your emotions, especially throughout rough times.
Let Your Emotions Out: Scream! Cry! Express! We are human! We can't keep acting like we are strong all the time. Stop trying to hold the world up with your pinky!
Let People Help And Love You: It doesn't matter how much of your own you have we all need help sometimes. Stop saying "I got it" and practice the art of receiving, and this doesn't just apply financially. When you receive a compliment say thank you, or when a man tries to do nice things for you LET HIM! And no this isn't easy for me to say!
Connect With Your Passion: Don't just connect with it, give birth to it! Remember, we are women. If you don't know what your passion is start with your gifts, or even hobbies. What are you good at? What makes you forget about time?
Learn The Essence Of A Woman: It's hard to embrace your femininity without knowing what it actually is. It's not just in the way you dress, it's how you carry yourself, it is allowing your creativities to flow through you effortlessly, it is balancing your masculine and feminine. Femininity is connecting with your womb, sensuality, mystique, and vulnerability. Girl do you know how powerful you are?
6. GIRL PLEASE STOP SETTLING
I believe out of all races Black women definitely feel the most unworthy because we get hit the hardest. Our belief of not feeling good enough pours into relationships, friendships, jobs etc.
Settling is usually rooted in fear and laziness. I know you have bills. I know your rent is due next month, but do you realize not settling starts with the mind first? If you are content with staying complacent then you will stay there.
Ask for more! If you want a job that pays $20 an hour you have to not only look for that job of course but you have to believe that you are worthy of that job too.
If a job is making you miserable LEAVE! I felt so powerful after I left a toxic job. Yes I had gone through some financial hardships but I started to tell myself that I wasn't going to thrive in an environment that was draining me and I am worthy of finding a job that better serves me.
If a relationship is making you miserable, leave! I also took my power back when I left draining relationships behind. I learned a lot about myself in the process. You grow and glow when you face the fear of leaving people or places. This also increases your self-esteem because you start to want better for yourself.
Black women we are free, capable, intelligent, beautiful, and distinctive. Take care of your body, stimulate your mind, drop off the ego, and pick up your highest potential!
What are some of your tips for self-care? What have you learned throughout your life as a black women?