I used to hate everything about being a girl! Dresses, skirts, periods, hair etc. EVERYTHING! I was a tomboy to the core. I only felt comfortable in sweatpants, baggy shirts, and the latest Jordan's. I not only suppressed my femininity physically, but mentally and emotionally.
I had a hard time being receptive, I overworked myself, and I had been conditioned to suppress my emotions. I denied all aspects of my feminine power by denying help and believing that I can take on everything by myself.
“No thank you I got it.” I said every single time someone tried to "overstep my independence."
I hustled majority of my life to the point where I didn’t notice how much I hated the work I was doing. I would act like everything was okay with me inside, when really I was suffering. I brushed my feelings off because every time I expressed them people made me feel weak.
Until one day something dawned over me! I’m kidding. I started watching this black woman femininity advocate named “Chrissie" on YouTube. SHE CHANGED MY LIFE. Not only did she teach me how to be more feminine, but she taught me how it had been robbed from me due to the limitations and expectations placed on my culture.
Ever heard of the “Strong Black Women Syndrome?” I possessed some of these traits no doubt and while I believed that femininity was only dressing girly and talking soft all the time, it was much deeper than that.
Stepping into my womanhood was one of the best decisions I had ever made. And here’s why:
1. I REALIZED HOW SHAMEFUL I WAS OF BEING A GIRL
I was ashamed of getting my period. I was ashamed of growing boobs, and developing a figure. I was ashamed of wearing girly clothes that hugged my figure because I didn’t like all of the attention on me.
2. I LEARNED WHAT FEMININITY ACTUALLY MEANS
I used to think that it was talking in a soft voice, laughing very girly, and wearing dresses/skirts all the time. LORD DID I NEED SOME FEMININITY TRAINING!
Femininity is fluidity. It is knowing your power as a woman. It is not aggressive. It is not forced. It is magnetism and attraction. Femininity is owning your talents, passions, and beliefs. It is a knowing, a movement, and a connection to the Divine. Femininity is committing to physical and emotional beauty. It is the very force that says "it is ok to be gorgeous, and grow."
Femininity is the moon, it is all the elements of wind, air, and fire. It is a powerful and sacred connection with Mother Earth, it is stepping into your body and returning back to center which is your womb space.
When I think of femininity I see a woman who knows who she is. A woman who is vivacious, bodacious, and trusting in the universe and herself. I see myself.
3. JUST BE IT
Most of my life I’ve done things by just doing them. The choices I made/make in life are very unpredictable like jumping into 9 feet deep water knowing I did not know how to swim.
I have excelled a lot in life by taking the most craziest risk. As a result, I now know how to swim. DON'T TAKE MY WORD ON THAT!
One thing that femininity taught me is that I am valuable just because I exist. I am valuable when I am resting. I am valuable without material possessions, attachments, and relationships. I am my most valuable when I am being:
Comfortable/SAFE in my own skin
Self-trusting
Patient
IMAGINATIVE/VISIONARY
Curious
Magnetic
Safe in the world
Expressive
4. NATURE! NATURE! NATURE!
Tapping into my femininity helped me understand the true power of nature. Or should I say nature helped me embrace my femininity? If you ask me, nature is a woman. The sound, sight, and feel of nature is so elegant and inviting.
Connecting with nature helped me find peace, flow, and stability. Nature is so relaxing, and vibrational. Whenever I am feeling zapped of energy I go to a park to recharge and sit on the grass. I often do this in solitude and it brings me so much joy.
5. I TOOK A “STAND FOR THE AND!”
My girl Gina DeVee taught me this in her book “The Audacity To Be Queen.” LADIES GET YOUR COPY OF THIS BOOK HERE!
I worked on my limited mindset by ditching the status quo and saying no to settling. I stopped thinking like “well once I do this, THEN I can do this.” NO! You can do it now and then some!
Taking a “STAND FOR THE AND” is knowing that you don’t have to just pick ONE. You are deserving of ALL OF IT, whatever it is that you want, you can have it. This is not being greedy either, it’s just being certain that you are accessible to all of your desires. As a woman, you have the power to go beyond measure, bring your desires to life, go to Paris, Italy, or France and still pursue your purpose. Live your life girl.
As Gina DeVee says, “How good are you willing to let live get?”
6. I LEARNED HOW TO TRUST MYSELF
I let me let ME lead ME! I started trusting in my own style instead of looking for other people’s validation 24/7. I begin to trust MY opinion, MY taste, and MY vision.
7. I WAS ABLE TO FACE MY WOUNDS
Because I operated more in the masculine, I was used to being in control of my feelings by working, brushing them off, or not being present enough to process my emotions.
When I practiced femininity I became more open to guidance, and advice. Allowing myself to receive information and allow my intuition to guide me through the depths of my despairs, lead me down a path of bravery, unlimited possibilities, and solutions.
8. I EMBRACED MY PURPOSE/CREATIVITY MORE
After all, that is what femininity is right? My creativity really shines with the way I style my hair, write, and put my outfits together. When I tap into my creativity, I feel more connected to my power and true essence.
This whole blog was apart of my feminine journey because I had to learn the importance of falling in love with the process instead of (Rachel Groover taught me this in her book "Powerful and Feminine") the outcome. I gave birth to my creativities and capabilities by tapping into my emotions and being able to express them to the world. Not only is this blog catered to helping individuals, but this whole process enhanced my personal growth and development.
I was able to see and understand how talented I was, how fruitful and abundant my ideas were and what I was truly passionate about. As a result, I naturally became internally safe and secure.
Diving into my femininity helped me develop flow, grace, and zestfulness. I brought my expansive imagination to life!
8. MY BODY IS AMAZING!
"Itsbabyj1" taught me a lot about the power of the body on her YouTube channel. So did Rachel Groover in her book "Powerful and Feminine."
A lot of us run away from our bodies, because we fear addressing those dark corners. We fear facing ourselves and our truth. The problem with this is that being inside of our body is the antidote to majority of our problems.
The body is intuitive, and calls for us to be connected to it in little ways like bad period cramps, headaches, sicknesses, and depression. If we are not connected to our bodies we will miss the call almost all of the time. These very experiences are what urged me to investigate my internal state.
Our body loves us and its natural state is health. If we don't love, tap in, or appreciate our bodies we will suffer.
Signs you are not treating your body well are:
Not exercising/lack of movement
Eating unhealthy foods constantly
Negative self-talk being too hard on yourself
Drinking/smoking excessively
Not keeping up with your appearance
Not expressing your emotions
Having sex with random people
Not having an outlet like reading, going for a run etc.
Staying in unhealthy relationships
Ways to connect with the body and take better care of it is:
Sitting in silence
Detach from the phone!
Reading books
Journaling
Dancing! MOVE THOSE HIPS GIRL!!
Embracing your sensual side
Affirmations
Connecting with your inner goddess
Painting/Drawing
Listen to your body/ get to the root of health issues
Use herbs, essential oils, and Palo Santo!
Develop a beautiful sense of style that suits you
Use your intuition to guide you the best body "tap in" routine
9. THE POWER OF THE PERIOD
GIRL I KNOW! Trust me trust me! I used to be speak very negatively about my period. I thought I could not survive my period without Advil. I threw up on my period, I used to cry on my period because the pain was so immense. What I did not realize was that my body was trying to tell me something.
I was way too far away from it.
The more I said "I hate being a girl!" "I hate my period!" I believe that those statements upset my womb. The more I popped Advil's each month, the more I denied getting to the root. The more I overworked myself and entertained things/people that did not resonate with me, the more out of alignment I became. The more at war I became with my emotions instead of welcoming them, the more stagnate they became in my body which resulted in emotional wounds/trauma. This is truly why I believe why my cramps were so bad. My body needed me to be in it instead of stepping outside of it.
The menstrual cycle represents death and rebirth. We are getting rid of all the dead weight, negative thoughts, and mess from the previous month and shedding for the new month. During our menstrual cycle we are the most intuitive.
What does femininity mean to you? Did it help you? Do you any negative beliefs about femininity? If so, where did they come from?