One powerful lesson I've learned in life is knowing when to speak up and when to leave things unsaid.
I used to be a girl who suppressed her voice.
Holding things in that needed to be said did nothing but make me beat myself up.
Now that I speak up, it's usually from a place of knowing what it's like to hold things in.
Although this inspires me to speak up when I need to, I noticed that my ego took the wheel sometimes as well.
"No I HAVE to speak up. i can't let them play me."
"I can't let them think they got one up on me!"
From my personal experience, if you know how a person is and you know they're not good for your life and you keep over explaining yourself about the same type of experiences, is this really effective or redundant?
Let's say you have a friend who flakes on you a lot. Everytime you guys make plans this friend keeps blowing you off. The friend doesn't follow up at all or apologize for not showing up.
Everytime you tell her she dismisses your feelings and keeps doing it. You still keep making plans with her or maybe SHE'S making plans and still not showing up.
Let's say you have a mom who is emotionally abusive and flips all of her wrongdoings on you. It's painful yes. You've called it out so many times. It hurts you, but it's a constant cycle.
Her putting all of the blame on you
You calling it out
Her not acknowledging it
You explaining yourself over and over trying to get her to SEE what she can't see or is unwilling to.
In a situation like this, does it make sense to keep explaining yourself over and over and over?
Does it make sense to over explain yourself to someone who doesn't see any wrong in their actions?
Does it make sense to constantly prove yourself to someone who is guilty?
This happens so much in toxic relationships. Some of us accept cheating, abuse, lying, stealing etc. and we think we have to explain ourselves over and over to a person who is disregarding our emotions. This happens to a point where we do more talking than DOING!
I've learned this from Tony Gaskins and in my own life, people respect ACTION, especially men.
Of course, there are times where repetition is important and useful. Like with problems that aren't causing you any physical, emotional, and mental pain. Like telling your boyfriend to put the toilet seat down or your bestfriend to stop cutting you off when you speak.
Yes these things are annoying to repeat, but in my opinion they are not dealbreakers. Deal breakers are also contingent upon your emotional bandwidth, so you can decide what you're comfortable repeating and what you're not.
I've learned that being too confrontational and not addressing conflict at all, can give you the same results!
Probably because they're both 2 extremes.
Do you have a habit of over explaining yourself or repeating yourself to no avail? Do you find yourself doing more talking than doing? Do you get your needs met in your relationships?
Guess what? I've got a solution to your problem!
My complimentary 30 Minute Hoppin' call.
During this call we will:
1. Figure out 1 habit that's keeping you stuck and how to break out of it
2. Get more clear on why you keep attracting toxic relationships and create a mini game plan to stop
3. Help you understand yourself on a deeper level and learn to love yourself more.
Here's the link! https://calendly.com/hoppinwithhago/30min
My goal is to help you with this #1 problem which is back to back toxic dating/friendship cycles and get you to the solution, which is you, so you can love yourself on an unexplainable level and have relationships that prove this!