Depression isn’t just lying in bed all day in the dark waiting for a spark to heal your broken heart.
Depression isn’t just committing suicide,
feeling your soul part tides, or insidious pressure apply to your pride that can’t decide if you want to live or die.
Depression isn’t just breaking down every 5 minutes
hoping no one listens, or someone is paying attention.
Depression comes in many flavors.
Some sweet, bland, bitter, sharp, harsh, and some braver.
The scariest thing about it is that some of us don’t even know it’s there.
So we use drugs to hide from the cares.
We pair ourselves with antidepressants and blank stares.
How unpleasant?
Suppressing your emotions is much better than confession.
We look for healing everywhere else but ourselves and wonder why we feel so compelled.
Depression is looking for sanity in hell.
My depression was tricky, sticky, and kind of fishy.
I was able to feel but I lost my appeal to conceal when I faced what was real.
Demons.
So many of them I carried, so many of them I married.
How can I untie the knot with a succubus that took all I got?
I coped by screaming, leaning, and mental house cleaning.
I closed myself off to open myself up to spiritual freeing.
I smiled but that facade ran out of style.
To stay afloat, and keep myself from looking like a joke
I avoided all places that gave me anxiety.
Which was most of society and that alone made me question my entirety.
Do I have social anxiety or am I tired of those who keep trying me?
I neglected and dismissed myself to the point where Mahogany didn’t exist.
Emptiness was the only thing that my soul could depict,
and I couldn’t figure out the difference between reality or mind conflicts.
They always say, “getting myself back together”
or “finding myself again”
at least they knew who they were because
I didn’t even know where to begin.
It was so easy to feed myself horrible thoughts,
and tear myself down. That's why when I mirror gazed for the first time my eyes drowned.
It was a fight to say something nice to the only body I was granted in this life.
The key to fighting this battle is healing the holes that are perfumed with doom!
Your wounds!
The reason you keep going through so much bullshit
is because your holes are crying for assistance,
but your only mission is focusing on situations
that constantly put you in a terrible position.
In addition to your trapped condition,
your intuition screams at you but you never listen.
80% of my pain came from knowing something was wrong but still going along. The other 20% came from trying to stay strong in situations where I didn't belong.
It’s good to take care of your physical health but your spiritual, mental, and emotional health is vital.
That’s why I live off of vulnerability and courage not survival.
No longer entitled. I’m a voice for the emotionally stifled.
Let’s close our soul's holes and that doesn’t just happen in 1 cycle.
~Mahogany Jenkins
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