Updated: Sep 15, 2022
Being overly nice comes with a price. While genuine acts of kindness coming from a place of fulfillment shouldn't cause any disturbances, niceness coming from a disingenuous place can.
Nice girl I know you’re probably scared people are going to make fun of you, seclude you, view you differently, or even diminish you for saying "no". You're probably scared to show how you really feel because your "good girl" image got you ahead right? It probably gave you so much validation and praise that you lost touch with who you really are.
Nice girl, who are you really without the validation from others? Who are you behind that mask? Who are you when you no longer silently seethe?
Most likely an angry beast.
I think women are more susceptible to being nice oppose to men because of the pressure society has placed on us. We are expected to comply, conform, nurture, and give 24/7! Some women find beauty in the balance of taking care of themselves first and others after, and some women give their last to everyone, except themselves.
I struggled with the "Nice Girl Syndrome" for years. This term was introduced to me by a fabulous author named "Beverly Engel" writer of the "The Nice Girl Syndrome" and many more amazing books.
I wish I knew how to stand up for myself correctly, I wish I didn't let so many people walk all over me. I wish I respected and loved myself more. Oh well, the regrets are the reason for this post so allow me to enlighten you!
Ladies and gentleman prepare yourself for empty pockets because here I introduce to you the prices you pay for being too kind!
$1. You Are Living Inauthentically!
A lot of us are walking around pretending. The difference between majority of society and nice girls is that nice girls are fueled by conformity. Fueled by it so much that they suppress how they really feel. They are a big ball of expectations from the outside world, but who can blame them? It does feel good to be praised for your kindness, or personality but if it’s not genuine however, it doesn’t mean anything.
$2. You Have So Much Anger On The Inside
Oh, but you would die before you let it show!
I believe nice girls are the most angriest humans on earth. They just hide it very well. Nice girls would rather internalize their anger, than externalize it, and hurt someone’s feelings.
When I was a nice girl I really feared showing my anger because I knew that if I did, it would not be pretty, and I'm really not an angry person. I had such a negative connotation towards anger that I didn't realize how important it is to show it. I find that when I express my anger, and say what I need to say, my healing becomes more accessible.
Do you know what's so messed up? Nice girls/peo0ple let the mistakes, and messed up actions of others eat them up. So they basically pay for other people's mistakes. NOT A GOOD WAY TO LIVE.
$3. Low Self-esteem
A person with a healthy self-esteem views themselves positively. Since nice girls feed their egos off the strength of the endless favors they give, they have nothing solid to operate off of.
So when the compliments stop, or when people leave them, nice girls feel terrible. They feed themselves again by over extending, breaking their backs, and putting themselves in situations they don’t want to be in.
$4. Most People In Your Life Are There For The Convenience
I got to be honest! This is a very hard pill swallow BUT nice girl, you are not genuine either. You are not showing people who you really are, how you really feel, and what you really think. What do you think is going to happen when people realize you constantly give free handouts, and are easy to finesse? You are a magnet for manipulators, abusers, and gaslighters.
I'm not blaming you, I was once you, and I had to take responsibility so I can get closer to my authentic self.
Maybe you know the people in your life are disingenuous, or maybe you have no idea, but either way this is a tough reality to face because you realize how fake your whole life has been.
When you come to that very realization my friend, your world stops, and the only way it can start again is when YOU take control of your life and assess your boundaries, your deal breakers, and allow your bad side to show sometimes!
$5. You Can Become So Nice That You Become Oblivious To Disrespect
I noticed this about myself. I would go through something with someone and confide in a trusted family member or loved one and they would raise their eyebrows at me and say "SHE SAID WHATTTTT!" LMFAO!!
And sometimes, I wouldn't think anything of it. I think I let so much disrespect slide that I literally became so numb to it at times. I know, a hot mess!
$6. You Really Are a Kind Individual
Ok, enough with the heavy. Like everyone has probably told you there is pureness inside of you. You are a sweet person I mean who else would torture themselves for so long by putting everyone else before them?
I had to know and truly believe myself what everyone around me was saying. I had to be confident in my capabilities without the approval of others. I had to learn how to be worthy without doing something for someone else. I had to stop trying to prove myself everyday, seriously it was like a never ending job interview.
I'm encouraging you to do the same.
Let me ask you, where did your nice girl come from? Did you witness your mother breaking her back for a lot for people? Were you constantly told to "be good" or "be nice" 24/7? Were you always punished for speaking up? Were you humbled from an experience you went through and promised to never be mean again?
After going over these prices ask yourself is it really worth it?
It took me a while to shake my "Little Miss Perfect" archetype as Gina Devee calls it. But each time I suppressed my voice in the past, I make up for it by understanding the value of my voice to boldly stand up for myself now and in the future!