Overcoming insecurities is a struggle most people deal with it but that doesn't mean each insecurity shouldn't be handled with care. I’m going to be realistic here. I’m not going to tell you to just “love yourself no matter what” or to “accept your flaws and live life” because it is NOT that easy. In fact it isn’t easy at all for some of us.
It was always so bizarre to me how I would look at the most beautiful women or the most handsomest men and be in total shock hearing them reveal their insecurities.
How in the hell could you possibly be insecure?
Even from my own experiences I had to learn that when you're on the outside looking in, it is so easy not to understand a person’s insecurities because you are not them.
Just like how they are not you.
I'm also aware that there are some people who are insecure and don't even know. So here are some signs that you may be struggling with insecurities:
You fear intimacy
You fear vulnerability
You run away from your problems
Maliciously gossipping about others
Here are some from ChoosingTherapy.com:
You feel like you can't cope with stress
Generally uncertain about the world
Anxious about your relationships with others
Poor decision-making skills and limited ability to choose quickly
Being overly critical of yourself and other people
Trying to portray yourself as overly confident to mask how you really feel
Perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied
Strong desire to be alone and avoid social situations
Struggling to believe others and build strong relationships based on mutual trust and understanding
Poor communication patterns that focus on the other person’s needs and wants more than your own
In this article I am going to empathize, strategize, and advise you wonderful people on how to combat and dig deep into your insecurities.
The first question I want to ask you is; would you be insecure about your flaw if you weren’t teased or picked on about it? Or if society didn’t scrutinize your insecurity? Really think about this.
Now I want you to think about the ways your insecurities are affecting your life. Write them down if you can.
Are you scared to ask for a raise because you feel like you don’t have what it takes or aren’t capable?
Are you nervous about launching your new business because you feel like you won’t gain clientele?
3. Now I want you to figure out where did these thoughts come from?
Were you bullied?
Were you abused (emotionally, mentally, or physically) as a child?
Did you have an verbally abusive partner?
Were you publicly embarrassed as a kid?
I can honestly admit that all of my insecurities unlocked so much pain, knowledge, and power inside of me. That is why I am able to articulate these words to you. I know how you feel but I need you to actually dive into this feeling.
Insecurities are inevitable, but I believe that they are tools to help us fix our core brokenness.
Every insecurity unlocks a painful truth inside of us and that’s why so many people are satisfied staying stagnant, being okay with the bare minimum, or struggling to see their full potential.
This needs to end.
Here I introduce to you some of my most powerful steps on combating insecurities.
1. TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR EMOTIONS
Don’t suppress, dissect! Let yourself feel! I learned this from a former friend. I don't like hearing “get over it” or “don’t let it make you feel...” or “you can’t let people make you feel...”
Chileeeee one of the things I can do in life is FEEL and I feel DEEPLY!
I had to start owning my EMOTIONS instead of being ashamed of them. I deserve to feel however I feel! This helped me heal because it allowed me to be more confident in expressing my emotions. When you take pride in your feelings not only do you get closer to your authentic self, but you start to feel confident being who you really are.
So the next time an unpleasant emotion comes up, as Rachael Groover says in her book Powerful and Feminine welcome them like a sweet little girl.
2. TAKE RISKS
Now listen, I'm not telling you to start engaging in dangerous behavior, I'm just telling you to push yourself! So if you've always wanted to skydive go do it! If you want to start a YouTube channel but are scared of what people are going to say DO IT! Scared to try a new hairstyle, dress, or new hair color? DO IT ANYWAY.
Taking risks raised my self-esteem tremendously because it helped me unlock my full potential.
3. CALL YOURSELF OUT ON YOUR OWN MESS!
I read this one quote that basically said self-love is not positive and uplifting 24/7, it's also about:
Knowing where you went wrong in a situation
Assessing your character flaws
Being able to apologize when you make a mistake
Acknowledging that you have toxic traits that you need to work on as well.
So as we begin to work on our insecurities the victim mentality HAS TO GO! I also had to learn how to avoid blaming myself for things that weren't my fault. I took the whole "you are in charge of your life" saying waaaay too far.
Self-love to me is also about accountability! Accountability makes room for growth, and growth makes room for success! So what are some of your not so good qualities? BE HONEST!
4. CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE SAME FLAWS OR INSECURITIES AS YOU
Oh! What a sense of belonging this brings?! Connection is the ultimate remedy for loneliness, insecurity, and inadequacy. WE NEED TO CONNECT! We need people in our lives that understand us.
Do some research, you'll be surprised at how many people are struggling with your same flaw.
5. DON'T BE SCARED TO MAKE A MISTAKE AND THEN SOME!
To all the perfect patties out there this might sound like a threat LOL! Self-compassion is such a useful tool when it comes to dealing with insecurities.
I'm not expecting your guilt, regret, and shame to go away after you read this but I just want you to be mindful of the way you treat and talk to yourself.
I do believe that a person who practices loving themselves DESPITE screwing up is more than likely to survive than a person who does not practice self-love.
A lot of us are too hard on ourselves (guilty) that we don't even take time to breathe. We are so scared to make a mistake that we avoid having fun, auditioning for a part we've always wanted, or launching a website because we "don't want to mess up."
6. DITCH TOXIC ENVIRONMENTS
Do you know, how good it feels to let go of dead weight? Some of us have so much baggage in our lives, that we become so immune to it, and don't even recognize that it is BAGGAGE.
Toxic friends? Let them go. Toxic partner? Let them go! Toxic job? Quit. Toxic car? GET A NEW ONE! LMAO! I know, I know it is not that simple. But once you practice cutting people off you won't mind getting a little scissor happy if you need to. TRUST ME.
I learned from a blog post that I read (forgot the name) that a good way to assess a toxic environment is to pay attention to how you feel when you are going to this place, or going to see this person, AND when you leave.....
7. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES AND STAND ON THEM!
What pisses you off? What makes you feel uncomfortable? What gives you anxiety? What makes you feel out of place?
8. What is my insecurity trying to tell me?
Let's say you're jealous of your sister because she has it going on! She's everything you ever wanted to be. She graduated college, she started her business, she's married to an amazing man, and she travels the world.
You however, feel unlucky. You haven't had a boyfriend ever, you don't feel as beautiful as her, you don't have a business, nor did you go to college. You envy your sister so much you almost hate her.
But if you're honest with yourself you:
1. Didn't fill out a college application because you didn't feel like it
2. You have a lot of business ideas but never put them into motion because you fear failure
3. You've had a lot of men approach you but you turn them down because you fear intimacy.
4. Could travel the world but you keep putting it off.
5. You are very beautiful you just gave up on taking pride in your appearance.
The envy that you feel is a sign that you have the potential to do and be all the things you want to be. The Universe is using your sister as a guide to show you. The goal is to not be like your sister, the goal is to see through her potential so you can unlock your own!
9. DRESS YOUR BEST
Take AMAZING PICTURES WHILE YOU ARE AT IT! Embrace your sense of style and take pride in your appearance! I have some nerve saying this LOL! But I've actually been consistent with this so I'm definitely throwing this in here!
What tips would you recommend for a person to combat their insecurities?