I know you’re going NUTS! You can’t grasp everything that has been going on. You feel like somebody just took away your power, intuition, and good sense of judgement. Your head is probably spinning, you're probably blaming yourself, trying to make sense of everything, and REPEAT!
Emotional abuse is something I’ve experienced A LOT in my life. I’ve also been the one to do it and I feel like it is not taken as seriously as physical and verbal abuse.
I would rather be physically/verbally abused than emotionally abused. YES I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
Do you want to know why? Emotional abuse is so silent, sneaky, and hard to depict. Verbal and physical abuse is BLUNT! If you’re not experienced with emotional abuse or careful, you could really end up in a ditch.
Now let’s dive in to how we can soothe our minds after all of this distress!
1. KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’ve talked to so many people that were explaining to me how a person would:
Vindictively give them the silent treatment
Tell them that they didn’t just see what they were FOR SURE they saw
Blame everything on them or project their wrongdoings onto the person they did the wrong to.
That my friends is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse toys with the mind by separating it from reality.
2. WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Listen, a confident, healthy person is not going to tolerate abuse, neglect, or any unacceptable behavior from a partner, friend coworker etc. but an unhealthy person will! When I kept dealing with emotional abuse over and over I knew that I had some things to work on. Why do I keep allowing this to happen to me? Why do I keep attracting these types of people?
My low self-esteem was the reason I dealt with so many noxious situations. Also, toxicity felt normal to me at one point. I was so used to chaos, that peace was absurd. That is when I knew I had a problem.
Aside from a person who has no experience with emotional abuse being confused, I believe there’s always a deeper reason as to why an individual would put up with it for so long.
I’m not blaming you but as I look back and reflect in my life not only was emotional abuse the norm, I didn’t feel safe being myself. I trusted people more than I trusted myself.
Ask yourself why did you put up with it? Was it addicting? Were you holding on out of obligation? Were you desperate? Be honest with yourself.
3. RECOGNIZE THAT IT IS NOT ALWAYS INTENTIONAL BUT MOST OF THE TIME IT IS!
Here’s how to know the difference. A person who is doing it unintentionally will:
Feel sympathy and admit their wrongs
Be more understanding
Show some improvements in their behavior
May be defensive but still meet you halfway
Have no idea that they committed the wrongdoing or mean no harm
A person who is doing it intentionally maliciously toys with your mind by:
Doing the same thing over and over.
Make you feel small or weak for addressing the issue
They will talk over you or get extremely defensive.
Won't feel any remorse or even apologize for their behavior. When they do it's very insincere.
Try to get a rise out of you
4. OPEN UP AND TALK
My emotionally abusive habit was shutting down and getting very quiet. When I’m hurt I shut down and isolate myself. I didn't do this with an intent to hurt someone's feelings it was just how I dealt with conflict. This is unhealthy.
For both my shutting down habits and people dealing/dealt with emotionally abuse, it is important to stay connected with yourself as much as you can. When you’re going through any type of pain especially emotionally abuse you have to write out your feelings, talk to a trusted friend, and check in with yourself.
Another benefit of opening up is you potentially meeting someone who is going through the same thing as you! Don't go telling all of your business but join some support groups, watch some YouTube videos on the topic, journal, or talk to a trusted family member etc.
5. START DEFINING YOURSELF AGAIN OR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
Defining yourself gives you purpose, direction, and vision!
When you’ve been emotionally abused you really lose parts of yourself. You lose your sense of judgment, divinity, pride, etc. you come out so confused broken and irritable because you basically let someone take your intelligence, intuition, sense of judgment away.
You can define yourself by:
Getting to in tune with your passions
Doing what brings you the most joy
Saying what you feel and meaning what you say
Literally defining yourself. For example: "I am a individualist, a wanderer, a writer, a poet." MAKE SURE YOU STAND ON IT!
Processing your emotions
Setting boundaries and limitations and sticking on them
What are some tips you would recommend to someone who has been emotionally abused? Have you ever been emotionally abused and how did it make you feel? How did you handle it?
Now, take your power back!